The McIntyre Report

There was once a Garrison Don named Christopher Coke.

Some called him “Dudus” and that was no joke.

Others called him the “President”

But is was quite evident

That this was not a man to provoke.

 

Dudus and his Shower Posse ruled Tivoli

With political largesse from the JLP

But why wait every 5 years to get paid

When there is money from drug smuggling to be made?

Pork barrel politics paled in comparison to this new entity!

 

Unable to stop the illicit drug appetite within its borders,

The US sent the Jamaican government an extradition order.

“Please serve Dudus this warrant

As to DEA it seems quite apparent

That his activities will lead to more murders.”

 

Prime Minister Bruce Golding was astonished.

How could President Barack Obama admonish

A friend of America,

This beautiful island of Jamaica?

Was this payback for Usain Bolt’s first place finish?

 

“Where is the evidence?” Attorney General Lightbourne asked.

“Confidential informant Constable “John Doe” must be unmasked.

If illegal wiretaps were the source

Under Jamaican law you know of course

These charges won’t past muster or last.”

 

Scared for his political life, Golding panicked

A special envoy to the US was handpicked

Senator Ronald Robinson went and met

With lawyers Manatt, Phelps & Phillips, but yet

Was told that the charges would stick.

 

 

 

The PNP got wind of the scheme.

Peter Phillips stood up in parliament and gleaned.

The documents in his possession

Were worthy of a JLP confession

But bare-faced Golding fought back and screamed.

 

“The government has nothing to hide

And we will always abide.”

So said Golding with thunder

But his lies proved to be a blunder

When Manatt did not go along for the ride.

 

Not surprising, Golding apologized to the nation.

He claimed the party had over-stepped its intentions.

Jamaicans were to believe his new set of lies.

No wonder this man is despised

By even those who voted for him in the last election.

 

The government decided to honor the extradition request.

Not before tipping off Dudus at his nest.

While Dudus did flee,

The government to his lawyers did plea,

“Could you please bring him in without duress?”

 

The people of Tivoli were in an uproar

“Leave our Robin Hood alone!” they implored.

“Tivoli is one of the safest communities…..

Well if you are not PNP.

We are willing to die to settle the score!”

Dudus didn’t show up at the police station,

So a State of Emergency was declared in West Kingston.

The government declared: “We’ll send the police and the military

To rid our communities of home-grown thuggery

Sadly it took international embarrassment to get this determination.

 

The Chief Architect of Garrisons finally weighed in.

Edward Seaga was quite chagrined

Golding’s lack of political savvy

Had irreparably damaged his credibility.

“Let my people go!” he chimed in.

 

UWI had definitely lowered its stock,

By giving Mass Eddie a Fellow’s frock.

He had caused the nation so much pain.

What would be his final refrain?

To teach “How to be a Don block by block?”

 

The police and soldiers did engage the Tivoli gunmen.

They were willing to die for Dudus by the dozens

With roadblocks rigged with propane tanks

The security forces were temporarily out-flanked.

When it was over 73 citizens perished in the end.

 

Still there was no Dudus to be found.

He had given them the slip and gone underground.

But other criminals turned themselves in

Giving the security forces a minor win.

Downtown at night, there was nary a sound.

 

After one month of searching the break finally came.

Intermediary extraordinaire Reverend Al Miller was in the game.

He claimed to be dropping Dudus at the US Embassy

As the “President” had concerns about his safety.

Dudus in drag……what a shame!

 

Unlike his father’s, Dudus’ extradition did not end in death

JLP politicians now a fret!

PNP’s Portia Simpson told her comrades not to gloat

As her party uses these same kinds of people to turn out the vote.

We surely have not heard the end of this, I bet.

 

This shameful episode in Jamaica’s politics is a sad commentary

But could be turned into a moral victory.

If we really love our nation,

Then let’s summon the inclination

To kick out these lying, corrupt politicians and put them in the penitentiary.

 

Written: July 2, 2010

Writers note:  A very dear friend of mine, Andrene Bonner, has published her first book entitled Olympic Gardens.  For those who are nostalgic about Jamaica in the 1960s or just curious about another culture, this award-winning book will make you laugh and cry.  Please contact Ms. Bonner at:

Andrene Bonner

32 North 7^th Avenue

Suite 1N

Mount Vernon, NY 10550

Tel.:  914-668-5836

Email:  abwrites2@aol.com

Blog:  http://andrenebonner.wordpress.com

When I was growing up in Jamaica it was not uncommon for reggae artists of the Rastafarian persuasion to litter their lyrics with calls for the downfall of the pope.  Back then it was Pope John Paul II who was the leader of the Catholic Church.  I really never knew why Rastafarians had this dislike for the pope.  Since then, I’ve read that it was linked to the Italian ruler, Benito Mussolini’s invasion of Ethiopia in October of 1935.   Ethiopia’s leader at the time was Haile Selassie I, who Rastafarians consider God incarnate or Jah.  Italy was a largely Catholic nation with Pope Pius XI at the helm of the church during the time of the invasion.  Actually Pope Pius XI, who is credited with establishing Vatican City as a sovereign state, did not have a good relationship with the fascist Mussolini government.  Nevertheless, the Rastafarians have decided that Mussolini’s Catholic beliefs were enough to blame that pope (and all subsequent popes) with the unlawful incursion into Ethiopia.

 Nowadays the current pope, Benedict XVI, is being blamed for a different kind of invasion: the invasion and destruction of children’s innocence.  Lately, there has been an explosion of accusations about priests molesting children.  While the children, mostly boys, have waited a long time to extricate these demons, the Catholic Church’s response has been tepid at best.  To date, countries that have been hit by this scandal include the U.S., Ireland, Netherlands Austria and Germany.  The scandal in Germany is very important to the credibility of the current pope.  Before he was pope, Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger was the archbishop of Munich.  In 1980, it’s alleged that he allowed a priest, accused of abusing young boys, to return to church business after undergoing psychiatric treatment.  Later this child molester was convicted of doing the same unsavory deeds in another location.

 The then Cardinal Ratzinger’s behavior should not surprise us, friends.  Remember Cardinal Bernard Law of Boston and Cardinal Roger Mahoney of Los Angeles?  Both these men presided over to movement of rogue priest to different locations after these priests were accused of child molestation.  Cardinal Ratzinger was only doing what was standard practice in the Catholic Church.  The church routinely did not have these men arrested.  The very top of the Catholic hierarchy simply patted these miscreants on the shoulder and shuttled them somewhere else to abuse a new set of children.

 I would agree that the Catholic Church is not the only organization with this kind problem.  They are however, one of the most powerful.  Friends, don’t for a minute believe that high-ranking cardinals and the pope, including Pope John Paul II, did not know what was going on.  What makes it so ominous and pervasive within the Catholic Church, is that the men involved were only one heartbeat away from being pope!   We are not talking about one or two misguided souls either.  According to Archbishop Silvano Tomasi, the Vatican’s permanent observer to the United Nations, at most only 5% of priests were involved in child abuse.  Only 5%?!?!  At an approximate population of 400,000, that would mean 20,000 priests!  The cardinals in charge of these child-molesting priests knew what they were doing when they were playing musical chairs around the parishes.  Since the Vatican and other leaders of the Catholic Church knew what was going on, it is reasonable to paint this organization with a broad brush.

 My view is that religion is supposed to enhance your life, not place a burden on it.  I am very cynical about most of the religions and churches out there.  Most of them fall into to the realm of a cult, based on my definition.  Any religion that’s going to tell me what to eat, where to live, what to wear, who my friends can be, how to speak or that I can’t get married is a cult.  Friends, life is just too short for me to be part of organizations that are practicing mind control.  I love eating jerk pork and drinking white rum.  If your religion tells me I can’t to these activities, then you can keep your cult!

 So the very rules that the Catholic Church has set in place are coming back to haunt it.  Here is an organization that may a large percentage of those 400,000 priests having to control their pent-up sexual urges every day because they unable to get married.  Of that number, approximately 5% are relieving whatever sexual tension they have built up over the years on the innocent children in their care!  Meanwhile, the leadership turns a blind eye and is unwilling to bring the molesters to justice out of fear that there may be a dip in their Sunday morning collection haul.

 This scandal saddens me because I went to a Catholic preparatory school.  I was never an altar boy, but I have to wonder if any were abused back then.  The air of infallibility that the pope and other leaders in the Catholic Church want us to believe is laughable.  They may be wearing sacred robes, but they are all liars, the current pope included.  Archbishop Tomasi in attempt to explain the scandals pointed out that other churches molested children too!  So even when they try to explain themselves, they still reek of the arrogance that got them in trouble in the first place.  These are the people who want to lecture us about morality? Boy, if I’m going to hell, where are these liars and molesters going to end up?

Weitten: April 15, 2010

  Writers note:  A very dear friend of mine, Andrene Bonner, has published her first book entitled Olympic Gardens.  For those who are nostalgic about Jamaica in the 1960s or just curious about another culture, this award-winning book will make you laugh and cry.  Please contact Ms. Bonner at:

Andrene Bonner

32 North 7^th Avenue

Suite 1N

Mount Vernon, NY 10550

Tel.:  914-668-5836

Email:  abwrites2@aol.com

Blog:  http://andrenebonner.wordpress.com

 

There once was a golfer named Tiger Woods

Who tried and tried as he could,

To have sex with all the white girls

He could bring into his world

At thirteen and counting he was doing pretty good!

 

Now the Thanksgiving dinner was going quite well

Until Tiger got a call on his cell.

He went to the john

And Elin looked on

Rachel Uchitel…what the hell!

 

Reports say he didn’t have time to explain

As the 5-iron nearly got lodged in his brain.

In the Escalade he did scoot,

With Elin in hot pursuit

Clubs flailing as she ran down the lane.

 

The SUV didn’t travel very far,

Tiger in his panicked state crashed the car.

But with Superwoman strength

Elin pulled him out of the bent

Auto with nary a scar.

 

Windermere police arrived on the scene.

Not another celebrity being obscene!

Elin was hovering over him

With a club in hand and a crazy grin,

Tiger was mumbling some nonsense that couldn’t be gleaned.

 

Elin claimed that she pulled him out through the back glass.

“But why didn’t you just open the front door?” the police asked.

She retorted: “I was already attacking the back

So why waste a couple good whacks.

I was just about to kick his ass.”

 

When Tiger awoke he refused to speak.

“Legal counsel is what I’ll seek.”

So for two months he hibernated,

While the tabloid press speculated.

Everyone hoping that a new story would leak.

 

Tiger’s attempts to cover his tracks were fruitless.

He had thought that Elin was clueless.

But not all blondes are dumb,

As she showed remarkable aplomb

In the midst of the whole mess.

 

In an attempt to save his marriage and his money,

Tiger entered sex rehab for his honey.

He did Kobe Bryant one better,

By putting the first pre-nuptial into the shredder.

Now Elin is richer than Oprah Winfrey!

 

I’ll confess to you that sex addicts all men are.

Tiger is just able to satisfy his craving because he’s a star.

But in street smarts he’s woefully lacking

And for that he got a shellacking.

Next time have two phones and ask a Jamaican for a seminar!

 

After two months of silence Tiger decided to speak.

But as mea culpas go, his was quite weak.

His words and actions were too mechanical

And the majority has been quite cynical

It would have been better had his 3 year old written the speech.

 

Tiger’s saga shows how hung up Americans are on sex.

Europeans laugh at this prudish reflex.

Americans spend billions on porn,

Then hypocritically heap scorn

On those who don’t live in puritanical context.

 

For now good PGA’s ratings cannot be found.

Golfers jealous of Tiger are kicking him while he’s down.

But he’ll be back with a roar

To eventually even the score

And stick to only one mistress when he’s out of town!

 

Written: February 22, 2010

A recently concluded study by Britain’s London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine found that less than one third of men and two thirds of women washed their hands with soap after using the toilet.  The study observed that people were more likely to wash their hands if they were shamed or thought someone was watching them.  The researchers placed electronic message boards in various restrooms around Britain flashing messages such as: “Soap it off or eat it later.”  “Don’t take the loo with you – wash with soap.”  The most successful message and the one that caused an 11% increase in the use of soap by both men and women was: “Is the person next to you washing with soap?”

(more…)

 The 2009 National Football League (NFL) season opened up to the anticipated team matchups, sports personalities, rabid fans……and oh yes…….the picketing of the Philadelphia Eagles by the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) for the signing of quarterback Michael Vick.  Some dog owners who are Eagles season ticket holders voiced their disapproval by cancelling their tickets.  Vick threw away the richest NFL contract when he admitted running a dog fighting operation and participating in abusing some of the dogs.  Had he not initially lied about the operation he probably would not have spent as much time as he did in jail.  As it is often said about the federal government: “The coverup is often worse that the crime.”  (more…)

There once was a Harvard Professor named Henry Louis Gates,

Who came back from China quite late.

Alas, his door was quite jammed.

Then with his shoulder he slammed

But the door wasn’t about to cooperate!

 

An elderly lady had viewed the whole scene,

And begged Lucia Whalen to intervene.

Her 911 call summoned Cambridge’s finest.

Four squad cars with the bravest,

And Sergeant James Crowley leading the team. (more…)

A funny thing happened on the way to Michael Jackson’s July 7, 2009 memorial.  He started the morning a pop icon who prematurely passed, and by the end of the service he was one of the greatest civil rights leaders of our time.  Or so it is if you believe the Reverend Al Sharpton.  Not surprising, considering the source.  Sharpton’s take on things is usually sprinkled with enough hyperbole, it’s best taken with a barrel of salt.  Now, I do not know the depth of Sharpton’s relationship with the Jackson family, but he seems to have taken on the (self-described?) role of spiritual advisor.  Even if Sharpton hardly knew them, he’d find some way to insert himself into the middle of the fray.  Kind of like that kid you went to school with who was the shortest or the fattest, but had the loudest mouth just to make sure he/she was seen. (more…)

Many might recall the remarks that singer Harry Belafonte made about Secretary of State, Colin Powell, in October 2002.  To quote Mr. Belafonte (from CNN.com 10/9/02): 

‘“There’s an old saying,” Belafonte said. “In the days of slavery, there were those slaves who lived on the plantation and [there] were those slaves that lived in the house. You got the privilege of living in the house if you served the master … exactly the way the master intended to have you serve him.

“Colin Powell’s committed to come into the house of the master. When Colin Powell dares to suggest something other than what the master wants to hear, he will be turned back out to pasture.”’

While many may have been utterly blown away by the crassness and classlessness of Belafonte’s utterances, I was not surprised for one moment.  My friends, let’s not even dignify these asinine comments with an explanation, but understand that this is a mere microcosm of the state of black leadership (used very loosely) in this country.  All Belafonte did was take my impression of this sordid lot to a new nadir.  It’s amazingly clear to me that within the “black civil rights leadership” – the euphemism for left-wing black Democrats – there is a paucity of common sense, objectivity and consistency.  And while we are on the subject, let’s do away with the words “civil rights” to describe this group.  These are the most over-used words in our community and it seems as if anyone who knows what MLK stands for, or is what I call a “drugstore pastor,” is miraculously ordained as “civil rights” leader! (more…)